Sonata In Me

Today, October 6th, is the two year anniversary of my spiritual teacher, Yogi Bhajan’s passing. I remember the day very well. I remember where I was when I found out that he had passed on, and I remember my interactions with him very well. I was sitting in front of my computer at home, working on an essay for an AP English class, wondering why I wasn’t doing something more fun. My mother walked in and told me that the Siri Singh Sahib had left the earth. My reaction was of course sadness, for we all wished that the loving man that we knew could live forever. And for all we knew, he could. It seemed to me that he had done many things far more amazing than living forever. I still think that is true. My reaction, however, was not just sadness. I was truly happy for him. For about a year prior to his death, I had heard quotes of his saying that we (his students) “were the only things keeping him on the earth” and that he was ready to go. It saddened me that he was so bound to the earth because of other peoples’ needs. I felt anger at those who were clinging— even though I had a little of that in me. But I felt a deep appreciation and empathy just for the act of not dying. Here was a man that was so committed to his students; so loving and so devoted to service that he could not die. I will revisit this idea later on…

My interactions with the Siri Singh Sahib/Yogi Bhajan were a good plenty and each one meaningful. Of course there is the competition within 3ho— a “I knew him better” type game that has always gone on. Everyone has stories and each one one-ups the last. I find it amusing, but very telling of how great a man he was. I sent him a few emails when he got sick… I asked him for advice about this and that, telling him how much I appreciated him, etc. etc. I think a huge part of me just wanted to have contact with him since I hadn’t in so long. I have gone back and read every email that he sent back. The thing that I love is that it seemed he caught on to the fact that I really already did know what I was doing. I asked him once if I should pursue a career in music. He said “weigh the pros and cons and make the wisest choice.” Of course. More important to me is that fact that he named me. Of course every name comes with a story and mine is no exception. I was born C-section in St. Louis. The story goes that shortly after I was born, my dad went home quickly to get something and as soon as he walked in the door, the phone rang. It was the Siri Singh Sahib. Normally, phone calls from Yogi Bhajan came from a secretary, but this one came direct. He said “let his name be Ram Dass. With two S’s. Let him walk the path.” If my dad’s reading this, he can correct me if I’m wrong. I’m sure I don’t have something quite right here, but this is what I remember being told. Soon (in the month to 6 months range?) after birth, I got to meet the Siri Singh Sahib in person. When he saw me he yelled “THERE YOU ARE!” and of course, I freaked out. And that was the beginning.

Ram Dass means “servant of God”. I had always wondered what having the extra ’s’ in my name was for and I have always tried to help myself define what a servant of God does. As Sikhs, we believe that our names are our destinies. Every detail of our names is important because it’s the direction we’re bound to go in— might as well try to help ourselves out. To me, Yogi Bhajan was the epitome of a servant of God. Selfless, loving, brave, tender, sweet, and the most important thing— HUMAN. I asked him what the extra ’s’ is in my name. He said that Ram Dass with two Ss is very special. That’s all.
He always told his students to become ten times greater than he. I think that a lot of times there was a him and us… some sort of hierarchy or barrier. We forget sometimes that we are all each other. That includes him. And Buddha. And Jesus… We’re all everyone else and we are everything (and on the flipside nothing too). For me, the reminder is in my name. I am Ram Dass Singh khalsa. He’s in me and he is in all of us. I miss him dearly and often forget that he’s not around physically anymore. The greatest honor anyone can do him is just to be who we are. Because that is already as great as he was and is. Snatam reminded me this year how amazing it is that I had a direct relationship with the Siri Singh Sahib. It is nothing to disregard. And it is something I will always cherish.